Album Review - Danza III: The Series of Unfortunate Events

(My name is Thulsa Doom. I host The Riddle of Steel on Sundays from 8-10. I play heavy metal and complain about the temperature of the studio or the strange smells coming out of the trash can. If that sounds like compelling radio to you, then tune in.

Either way, I've been informed that I need to start putting content on the website, preferrably in the form of album reviews.

Fair enough. Let me map out what's going to happen here:

I will review an album. Then, based on my gripping, accurate and objective review, you will either buy that album or know that you shouldn't buy it because it's terrible.

In good time, I will start reviewing newer albums. In the meantime, I'm going to review some of my favorite albums from last year.

Here we go.)

Danza Cover

The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza

Danza III: The Series of Unfortunate Events

When I tell people that I listen to metal, their response is almost always to ask me if I like a specific band or tell me that one time they went to a concert that was sort of heavy. 80% of the time in these two scenarios, the bands that they bring up are either Metallica or Disturbed.

There's nothing wrong with either of those bands. Master of Puppets was the first album I ever owned, and if I had to choose between listening to Disturbed and getting tied to a radiator and pistol whipped, I would probably choose listening to Disturbed. I mean, it would be an agonizing choice that I pray to God that I will never have to make, but I'm pretty confident that I would choose Disturbed.

Despite that, neither band is really up my alley, for a very simple reason: They're not heavy enough. Asking someone if they like Metallica when they tell you they like Metal is like asking someone if they've ever eaten a 7-layer burrito at Taco Bell when they tell you they like Mexican food.

So what DO I like? I'm glad you asked.

As anyone who has been listening to my show for the past year knows, I have a platonic-but-edging-dangerously-close-to-romantic love of a band called The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza.

Their first, self-titled album was hot. Their second album, "Danza II: The Electric Boogaloo" was divine. Their newest album, "Danza III: The Series of Unfortunate Events", which came out last summer?

Transcendent.

It's clear from the band name and the names of their albums that they don't take themselves very seriously. Apparently, they're focusing all of that energy into rocking as hard as possible. They don't waste time singing about their feelings. There's no sensitive track where they slow things down to impress the ladies. The only thing they appear to care about is playing as hard as they possibly can.

A common complaint about metal (or any other genre) is that every song sounds roughly the same. That can be a bad thing, if you don't like it. But what if it's awesome? I don't stop going to restaurants I enjoy because the food is always delicious, I don't stop dating girls because they're always consistently amazing to make out with, and I don't stop listening to this album because every song makes me want to start throwing furniture.

Either way, if you don't like metal, you won't like this album. But if you're ever listening to slow jams or country and find yourself thinking "You know what would make this better? Screaming and double bass", it's worth your time to get your hands on this album.

Final Verdict?

(Out of 5)